Post by Justin Miller on Sept 22, 2010 2:52:05 GMT -5
Evacuation his ass....
There was some kind of outbreak that caused people to turn batshit crazy and start eating others. To bricklayer Justin Miller, those were called zombies, but apparently the word "zombie" had become politically incorrect and "infected" was the more P.C. word to use. They were pale, they were braindead and they wanted your ass for dinner.. all of that just screamed zombie.
All of the bullshit started when a zombie stumbled upon the construction site and took himself quite a healthy bite out of the unsuspecting foreman. Every other person on the site ran about like a retarded monkey. Justin, on the other hand, saw a prime opportunity to pop his zombie killer cherry. With a brick in hand, Justin cracked the brain craving bastard in the head. With a swift crack to the side of the temple, the zombie dropped to the ground like a giant sack of shit.
Justin had fully expected wide spread panic all over New York and the rest of the country. He expected something like out of the zombie movies that he and everyone else has seen. He imagined zombies to the left, to the right, up, down and all around...
...but no such luck. The media was doing a damn good job of conveying the message that everything was well under control and that everyone should just head to the nearest evacuation site. Justin just rolled his eyes, went home, took his pants off and sat on his couch in his underwear; clutching a frying pan as a weapon and watching the media trying to downplay the fact that zombies were loose in the city.
That's when they showed up.
Kicking down his door, the military more or less forced Justin to the evacuation site. At first, Justin pretty much told them to fuck off; if zombies were going to run amok, than Justin wanted to stick around to kill 'em all. But when a gun is pointed in your face, you tend to listen to whomever is pointing the gun in your face.
Having to put his pants back on, Justin Miller left his house(but kept the frying pan) and took a ride with the military.
So here Justin was, forced to wear pants and forced to leave the city without properly killing as many zombies as he possibly could. They could force him to wear pants and force him to evacuate, but they couldn't make Justin let his frying pan go! Give him liberty or give him zombies to kill!
And that wish came true when the humvee came to a screeching halt. "They don't teach you boys how to drive at boot camp?" Justin asked in very asshole-ish way, but before anybody could answer that question.. or at least roll there eyes... the driver was pulled from the seat. A wicked grin came across his face...
...it's zombie killin' time!
Before he could be told to stay put or anything of the sort, a thick pack of the brain eating bastards came out of the woods like a pack of hyenas attacking the corpse of a fresh kill. Justin and the servicemen(and one servicewoman) were nothing but munchies to the zombie pack... but Justin was gonna be damned if he became a three course meal. As the zombies attacked, the troops completely lost their shit. Nobody had one idea what to do, who should take lead and the only thing that registered in the brain was to scream and start shooting their rifles with reckless abandon.
"Fuuuuuuuck me sideways!" Justin popped out of the humvee, to get away from the zombie pack and away from the troops that were being munched on. Justin did want his time to kill a zombie or two... thousand, but not at the expense of other lives. But here was his chance to get to work. It was served to him on a sliver platter and Justin was about to turn that sliver platter into a red one.
DONG!
DONG!
DONG!
Justin swung his frying pan with all his might behind it. And he swung it with deadly intent. Each and every strike was a fatal one. The three zombies that torn apart six servicemen(and one servicewoman) were dropped within a matter of moments by a bricklayer armed with nothing more than a frying pan. The fourth and final...
...wait.. four?
Justin had only seen three, but the forth one, somehow became ninja!zombie. Zombie number four got the drop on Justin and wrapped his arms around his chest, render his arms useless. With some quick thinking, Justin threw his head back and cracked ninja!zombie's nose wide open.
The zombie wasn't a rotting corpse, but more of a what Justin figured had to be a recently turned one, so most of the plumbing was still functioning. Blood was pouring out of the zombie's cracked nose like a water faucet. But before the zombie could do anything about it, Justin ended it with a series of whacks from Justin's frying pan(this fucker made things a little more personal).
"Who ordered the zombies over easy?" Too bad no one was around to hear his little one liner. Seven soldiers came for Justin to escort him to the evacuation site.. and seven soldiers were lying dead in the street. Picking up one of the M-16s that laid on the ground, Justin put one single bullet into the head of the six servicemen(and one servicewoman).
Nothing to do now but see what this humvee may or may not have to aide Justin's new career as a Zombie Hunter. Noticing a wooden crate shoved into the very back of the humvee, Justin used the butt end of the M-16 to crack it open. And Justin smiled when he saw what was looking back at him.
A Browning .50 caliber machine gun was staring back at him. This little precious item was going to look fantastic on Justin's Jeep Wrangler. Even though there was a humvee at his disposal, the only thing that he wanted was his Jeep.
"It's time to kill zombies and chew bubblegum... and there's plenty of both!" Before, Justin was just a mere bricklayer. But now, he started an entry level position as a bad ass zombie killer.
Evacuation his ass.
